The mysteries of life and death will forever rest in the realms between spirit and matter. I cannot and will not ever claim to know how these things work. I have no clue where we exist before we are born. I have no clue what actually happens after we die.
All that I know is what I've personally experienced in my life and the stories I've read about the experiences of others. I am sharing my story with you today in good faith that my experiences can offer you some hope... and possibly shine a ray of light into the unknown kingdoms of what it is to be human.
I have personally accepted that there are secrets intentionally woven into the fabric of the universe. We will never understand with our logical minds how the spirit realm works.
Although, I have found that the moment you surrender to that understanding... is when you actually begin to receive some answers.
Below I have typed a word-for-word replica of what Dan wrote in that little red book about a dream he had in 2017.
Please note, this dream happened well before Dan knew of his cancer. In 2017, Dan only knew that he was struggling with Lymes Disease. He did not know he had a terminal disease or that he was suffering from any type of cancer.
Also, remember that this is a dream. Dreams come from the unconscious mind and are translated by our waking mind in a slightly distorted way. Dan is recalling the dream only from what he could interpret with his waking mind, so certain details could not yet make sense to him.
He did the best he could to explain the feelings and scenes of the dream in a factual way from the perspective of having no other additional context.
2/18/2017 Dan Copes' Dream
"I just have to write briefly about a dream I just had... upon waking I realize that I dreamed an elaborate scene at various locations w/ various people, but my old boss Steve & Jared from the winery were there. This is something that has remained in my psyche heavily due to the guilt I feel about getting sick and leaving the job somewhat abruptly."
When Dan came down with Lymes Disease in 2016 he was very sick and had to take a high dose of antibiotics for months. This affected his health greatly and he had to quit a job he loved at a winery. The sickness he is writing about above is his Lymes Disease, as he would not yet be diagnosed with cancer until 3 years later.
"In my dream, I'm w/ my friends, I believe Kailin brought me there. They sat me down though in this intervention-type scene and began talking intensely to me... how I could get hurt or end up in jail. I'm very worried they're mad at me and I've done something wrong. But, then the scene changes.
All these people I know, celebrities, and other performers begin putting on this stage play musical act and I'm shocked because I realize it's for me. People are going by smiling, encouraging me, & singing directly to me.
I'm in shock and disbelief, and actually said, "Is all this really for me?" to which the person who was by my side (Kailin) replied, "Yes!"
Towards the end of the number, they held a sign up that said, "Peace, Love, Hope. You Choose."
I had to ask what the sign said, but this was all done to reassure me and to show me that everything is going to be ok. Even the things we still worry through, they will be ok, too.
All is forgiven if we can forgive ourselves.
I woke up, realized what had happened, and instantly began to cry because of how beautifully meaningful this dream was to me.
I couldn't thank YOU more.
And who are YOU?
The great YOU that knows I, as part of itself, the Universe.
(Written small at the top of the page....) Also briefly saw Nanny—thanks! Wishing you well!"
2/18/2017 Dan Copes
When I read Dan's words in that booklet I was sitting with my father and his girlfriend just a few days after his death. I read the words out loud and all three of us were in complete and utter shock.
Dan's sleeping vision was a dream-like depiction of exactly what happened in that hospital room the night of his death. He started by saying, "Kailin brought me there." Referring to the true fact that I was the one who brought Dan to the hospital initially.
He said that at first he was surrounded by friends in an "intervention-like scene." Dan was intubated on a breathing tube on the day of his death. He was heavily sedated and could not move his body, but his mind and hearing would have still been active.
From the perspective of unknowingly being sedated in a bed and surrounded by friends and family... it would feel like you were being put under some intervention.
He expressed in the dream that we were all very concerned that he could get hurt, something bad was going to happen to him, and that he was afraid we were upset with him.
In real life, Dan was dying and there were many moments when we were all very concerned and crying as we sat with him. That's exactly what he was explaining in the dream without understanding the true context of what he saw.
Dan then says that the scene changes and he is surrounded by friends, family, and celebrities all singing and putting on a show for him. This part of his dream truly took my breath away. While Dan's family members and friends were in the room that day we put on his favorite music and we all sang to him and gave him a show!
We did our best to not only grieve the fact that he would be taken off life support that night, but we also spent time celebrating Dan's life with him. We told stories and memories of Dan's epic journeys, we laughed, we cried, we sang, and rallied together around him.
Even the celebrities Dan expressed in his dream made perfect sense because we were playing his favorite artists on a speaker, so he would have heard the voices of famous people. And of course, the friends and family he saw were all of us!
He said that we were all encouraging him, telling him he'd be okay, to not worry and that everything would be alright no matter what... the exact words each of us expressed as we met with him at the end of the night, 1 on 1, to say our final and personal goodbyes.
The one part of the dream that I cannot piece together physically is the sign, "Peace. Love. Hope. You Choose." I can only assume that this was something present to him in the spiritual realm. I say this because he also made a tiny note at the top of the page about something that we also could not see in the physical.
His little note said, "Also briefly saw Nanny—thanks! Wishing you well!" Dan's Nanny (grandma) passed away years before. So in his dream, he saw his Nanny's spirit! She must have been there to help guide him to the other side.
At the end of his dream recall, Dan wrote how profoundly meaningful this dream was to him. He said it brought him to tears and he could not be more thankful.
"I couldn't thank you more. And who are you? The great you that knows I, as part of itself, the Universe."
Dan was (and I'm sure still is) a very spiritual individual. He had an expanded view of the world, his soul, the universe, and the interconnectivity of it all. He knew that this dream was an important transmission from the divine.
But just like me, he knew that he did not have all the answers. Although, he did know one thing. He knew this dream was very important and that it was some type of gift from Source.
Reading this dream was exactly what Dan knew I needed to not let myself completely collapse into a trench of despair. I truly believe his spirit guided me to search for that book.
It instantly reassured me that Dan was still with me and that even though his death was extremely tragic and untimely... everything happened exactly as it was destined to.
A few pages further in the booklet, I came across a song that Dan wrote for me in 2017. As I read the words, I sobbed, knowing that Dan had written them for me not to read back then... but to read in this exact moment in time after he died.
"Little One, I always feel you now
And I know against all odds that
You can feel me too somehow
It never matters how far
It never matters how long
Love can span both space & time
I love you, Little One
Like the spinning moon & sun
Two bonded hearts can never break"
Dan Copes to Kailin Bouse
The messages did not stop coming after that. A day or two after reading his dream in our little red book, I was driving back from a gathering at one of Dan's friend's houses.
We had all met together for support and in memory of Dan. One of his friends randomly brought up that night, "If Dan were to come back as an animal, what animal do you think he would be?"
One friend said a blackbird, as it was the first song Dan ever learned to play on guitar. Another friend said a lizard, as they had an inside joke together about one.
That night I was driving back to my dad's house alone in the dark. I was on a windy back road and going pretty slow to be safe. I approached a very hard bend in the road, so I slowed down more to safely take the sharp turn.
As I turned the corner, my headlights flashed upon something big in the grass in front of me. I saw it was an animal but then shook my head rapidly, blinked my eyes hard, and had to look again—as I could not believe what I was seeing.
Right in front of me was a very large, all-white, albino white-tailed deer. The deer's fur was completely white and it had a large rack of antlers spread tall upon its crown.
I slowed down almost to a stop and kept blinking and shaking my head to ensure I was not hallucinating. But, sure enough, there was truly a large white stag in the flesh in front of me.
My car must have spooked it because a few seconds later it took off into the trees.
A month or so before Dan was diagnosed, right after yoga teacher training when I left the ashram temporarily and stayed at his house at the beginning of Covid (I told you about it in a previous post)—we had decided to binge-watch all the Harry Potter movies.
Over one weekend we watched the movies back to back, relishing in the nostalgia of one of our favorite series. This was such a fond memory for me because of how much fun we had doing it.
If you've ever seen Harry Potter, you know that Harry's "patronus" or "spirit animal" was a white stag. When I saw the albino buck that night I instantly knew that it was a message from Dan.
I knew it was a spiritual head nod to the Harry Potter series we had watched together before he passed. And I knew he was poking fun at the synchronicity of his friends just discussing what animal he would come back to life as.
There truly are divine messages waiting for us from spirit. You can find them all around—if you're open to receiving.
My life story took another hard turn 6 days after Dan died when I got the message from my mother that my stepfather, Dave, had suddenly and unexpectedly died in her hallway from a heart attack.
Yes—6 days after Dan died, my mother's husband died. Synchonistically, the date was September 14th—the anniversary date of the accident in 1986 when my dad lost his legs and my uncle Gene was killed.
This honestly sent my entire family into another whirlwind, as we were still in the very early stages of processing Dan's death. As I was mourning my partner, my mother was suddenly and unexpectedly mourning hers.
The only thing I could think was that it was fate... and that Dan had made one final call out to any souls about to depart Earth, "Anyone who wants to ride on the train with me, you better come, now!"
2 weeks after Dan died I traveled back to the yoga ashram. I felt that being surrounded by my yogic community and friends would help me heal.
One morning I was sitting at my desk at work when I received a Facebook message from someone that I did not expect to be hearing from.
One of Dan's nurses from the cancer unit in the hospital was messaging me. I thought she was just reaching out to express her condolences, but I was absolutely stunned by what was actually waiting for me in my inbox.
This message was just another solid confirmation that Dan was not even close to being gone forever. Dan may not have been in his physical body anymore, but he was still somewhere, and he still had the ability to see and reach me here on Earth.
After Dan died there were many people that probably thought one of two things about me... they were either inspired and encouraged by my strength and demeanor or absolutely taken aback and confused by it.
I went through many months of feeling guilty and shameful for my lack of self-destruction and despair after he crossed, but the reason why I was able to keep myself together so well was because of the evidence I've shown you above.
At the time, I could not explain to everyone that I was having direct communication with the spirit of my dead boyfriend. Everyone already thought I was losing my mind.
I'm grateful now that a year and a half later I'm feeling safe enough to share these experiences. I passionately feel honored to communicate these miracles to the world.
I believe that part of my life's purpose is to share the following message with you.
Your loved ones are not gone. When we die, it is not over. I don't know exactly how it works, but I can honestly tell you that you are never alone.
They can still see you. They can still hear you. They can even still communicate with you if you look, listen, and trust that they can.
Imagine a world where we did not fear death. What if we actually knew that our friends, family, and ancestors were still with us after they die—just in a different way?
We will all meet again in the spiritual world when we die, just like Dan's Nanny was waiting for him. You can be excited and look forward to reuniting with the people you love.
We will always miss and mourn those who die before us, but we can do so with the knowledge and understanding that we will see them again, soon.
Death is not an ending.
Death is just a door.
Love never dies.
With Peace, Love, & Hope,
Kailin & Dan