Dan Copes to Kailin Bouse 2/14/2019
"Good morning, sweetheart!!!
On this day I would just like to say what a lovely journey it has been with you in these recent times.
Through all the many roads we travel, we always seem to evolve through the explorations and I'm delighted continually at the seemingly divine, synchronistic ways in which each moment unfolds perfectly into the next.
All of the things we've gone through as souls leading us up to now in sharing these physical experiences together, perhaps to further nurture our souls.
We are divinely placed, Little One, I do feel that. Each day we seem to be directed to the next fulfillment of our path and the unfolding of our fates.
I'm very happy and thankful to be able to walk alongside you now. You always show me new ways to love and to be loved in return, and I once heard that was the greatest thing you'll ever know.
Lovely, lovely morning to you and I hope this day and every day after treats you like the Princess/Queen you are (whichever you're preferring at the moment).
I love you, Kailin Bouse!!"
Dan Copes 2/14/19
Love is a very powerful and unique vibration. This neverending, otherworldly pulse radiates through the entire universe, felt from one soul to another in ways that science cannot explain. It's timeless, limitless, and can defy all odds.
Yet, it doesn't always look like rainbows and butterflies. Love isn't always sweet. Love is just as equally challenging, bitter, and painful at times.
I went through all the spectrums of love with Daniel during our relationship. Highs, lows, ups, and downs. From March to October of 2017, I spent every single weekend up in his cabin working through the wounds left in my heart.
In a Twin Flame relationship, spiritual and emotional triggers are your day-to-day work. Every part of my unconscious mind that was not yet healed was constantly put on display in my relationship with Dan. It was the same with his, as well.
There was no avoiding it. The purpose of us reuniting here was to help finish the lifetimes of spiritual healing needed to transcend our physical limitations. This is ultimately the same reason why you are here, why those before us came, and why more will come after.
Relationships are like mirrors. The clearer the mirror, the better the reflection—the more soul work that can be done.
Dan was the clearest mirror I'd ever known. Years he spent in self-reflection and solitude after college. The former life of the party, always out and about "dude" grew slowly into a wise man of spiritual reverence and sovereignty.
Dan told me a story about when he was in college and how his view of the world drastically began to change. It wasn't too long after repeating the same mindless behaviors and attending party after party that he began to realize something was beginning to feel different inside of him.
"There has to be more to life than this." He would say to himself.
It was so hard for him to understand why millions of young adults were pushed to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to pack themselves into for-profit institutions.
Just to earn a degree that supposedly proves to the world they are "good enough" to work. When realistically, their time spent in college was usually focused on poisoning themselves with alcohol and avoiding any real self-development.
He began to see how our entire global economy was being controlled and manipulated by the same few corporate and governmental entities—and NOT in favor of the people. All of these oppressive structures, the societal conformity, and the lack of individual liberties burdened Dan's soul deeply.
I invite you to ask yourself some of the same questions he did.
Why do we put ourselves in massive debt for schooling in this country? Just so we can get a job that drains us and repay our student debt and the car loan we needed for transportation?
Not to mention the $200,000 house that we spend 40 hours away from each week—all in preparation for a retirement that may never even come.
Why are the #1 killers in America all diet and stress-related illnesses? Why is the food on our shelves full of toxic chemicals and refined sugars that cause disease?
Why are addictive substances like alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine marketed so heavily to teens and adults? Why is our air contaminated and our water poisoned?
Why is our healthcare system unaffordable and ineffective? Why do doctors push pharmaceuticals for every ailment and completely bypass the consequences of poor diet and lifestyle?
Why are we taught to consume in excess, ignore our health, focus on entertainment, obsess over superficial materialism, and devalue our connection to nature?
The answer we always came to was generations old patriarchy and corporatized systematic oppression.
True self-actualization starts when you begin questioning your reality.
Dan began staying in his dorm room a lot more after that, doing his best to cope with the existential realization that our systems of control were unjust and immoral.
He began spending all his time writing music, focusing on his studies, working out, and learning about spirituality, psychology, and the unexplored kingdoms of untold history and the unconscious mind.
I too went through a similar experience myself around 2012, when I recognized how things were systematically designed in this country to suppress and condition its people through capitalism, media manipulation, and economic division.
Many people refer to this crisis of the spirit as a "spiritual awakening" or a "dark night of the soul." We can experience these types of soul crises multiple times in our lives.
These journeys are very difficult and when completed, lead to a renewed worldview and the expansion of our human consciousness.
Spiritual crises are transcending experiences, yet many times include suffering and isolation—as the relationships in our lives are forced to either grow or fade apart.
Dan moved to Jersey with me at the end of 2017. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the stress of my demanding job and online college started stirring up all of my negative patterns again.
I realized that even with Dan right next to me, I was still miserable at my core. I was once again feeling completely lost.
"You know you can leave, right?" Dan said to me one day as I was bawling my eyes out on the couch from stress and anxiety.
"What do you mean? I have a retirement plan, all this experience with this company, I'm set for life if I stay here. I'd be an idiot to leave." I babbled through the tears.
"Babe, you're chronically stressed, overworked, and unfulfilled," Dan replied. "You don't have to stay here. You don't have to stay anywhere."
At that moment, something clicked in my head. Dan realized it, too, because my big eyes looked up at him like he had said something magical.
He let out a sigh, knowing that his heartfelt advice was not only about to change my life—but also change his, too.
Dan did that often. Shared wisdom and teachings with me that made monumental shifts in my life—even though those shifts could possibly inconvenience him or make his life more complicated.
It was a sacrifice of love, and still to this day I express my gratitude for his selflessness in those moments.
After Dan's words liberated me from the chains of my limiting beliefs—I decided we were going to move back to our hometown in PA.
He had just uprooted his life to live with me in New Jersey, yet he was willing to make the change again to honor my happiness. He was truly one of the most selfless souls when it came to the people he loved.
On Dan's birthday, August 25 of 2018, we drove the moving van back to good ole' Pennsylvania.
A week after moving back, I felt that he and I both needed a vacation. After doing some Google searching, I found a yoga retreat center in the Pocono Mountains not far at all from where Dan and I lived. I booked our retreat and patiently waited for the day to arrive.
When booking our trip, I didn't realize that this retreat center was also an ashram. I actually didn't even know what an ashram was. An ashram is a spiritual community of like-minded individuals who live, work, and learn together all in the same place—like a commune.
Dan supported my dreams as I decided to explore living and learning at this school for yoga. It was only a 1.5-hour drive from the ashram to Dan's apartment, so I was able to drive to his place again every weekend to visit. I moved there to continue my education.
During my 2 year stay at the ashram—my study of yoga, spirituality, and self-discovery skyrocketed.
In February of 2020, I was blessed with an opportunity to receive my 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training Certification. This course was a 23-day straight intensive on campus where you were completely immersed in the study of yoga 24/7.
Dan applied for the scholarship to join me, and I was so grateful he was honored into the program!
The training was super intense. I'd never done anything for 23-days straight. Dan was running circles around me, as usual. He made so many friends, participated passionately in every class, and shined brightly during all of the group discussions.
Like a bomb going off in the middle of our yoga training, March 2020 arrived.
The Covid-19 pandemic made itself known as a wave of fear spread rapidly across the planet.
I cannot explain to you how strange it was to have the world go into lock-down while you're in the middle of intensive training with 20 other people.
The entire ashram had to shift gears. They closed the building to outside guests, spaced the lunch tables apart, brought in mask mandates, and enforced social distancing.
It literally felt like we were in the Twilight Zone. It was hard to process what was happening, but I was so grateful that Dan was there with me. Somehow, we all continued for the next 2 weeks completing our training amidst the chaos.
We felt it was extremely important, now more than ever, to finish this teacher training. We knew people all around the globe would need the healing of yoga in a world full of confusion and unrest.
When our training was complete at the end of March, Dan had to go back home. The ashram was still on lockdown and did not want residents to travel. I asked if I could work remotely for a month. I was very grateful that they honored my request.
I spent a month working remotely on my laptop from Dan's apartment during the month of April. This month was actually the most difficult time of our entire relationship.
The stress of the pandemic, the pressure of conforming to new rules, the fear of the unknown, and my own inner demons seemed to all float to the surface.
Dan and I had some of our biggest conflicts that month. I had fallen deep into my anxieties again and honestly thought it was going to ruin our relationship. But, like usual... Dan saved us.
He would not let me self-destruct. Dan would not let me bring my fears of abandonment into reality and allow myself to push him away. He dealt with all the crazy. He dealt with all the drama. He dealt with all of me.
Dan held space for me when I fell back into the darkness of my mind and lovingly pulled me back into the light.
I returned to the ashram in mid-May 2020. Because of the pandemic, they were requesting people not to leave the county, so I stayed there working for a month and a half without visiting Dan in person.
I talked to him every day while we were apart, like usual. Although, something had begun to shift within him during that time. Dan started expressing that he wasn't feeling very well.
I couldn't be there in the physical, so I sent him care packages, mailed poems of my love, and talked to him each day for support.
I finally went to visit him again on July 1, 2020. When I walked into Dan's apartment I knew immediately something was wrong.
My intuition was on fire, telling me that I needed to take him to the hospital right away. Just a few days later, we heard the sentence that would shock both of our lives forever.
"Daniel, you have Stage 4 Adrenal Cortical Carcinoma—it's a terminal cancer and there is no cure."
Kailin of Earth