Updated: Feb 22
It all started with a song.
It was January of 2017. I was 25 years old and still with my ghost of a boyfriend in Jersey. Seven whole years I'd been with that man, yet, the relationship had been dead for at least four of them.
In my loneliness, I was surprised to make a new friendship with another human. It was the first real connection since Shanise died.
Music brought us together. I started playing guitar at the age of 13 and had been singing since I could talk. He was a classically trained guitarist and went to college for music and Chinese language.
One day, while chatting casually on Facebook Messenger, my former schoolmate Dan Copes sent me one of his original songs. I clicked the Sound Cloud link and waited anxiously as the little circle began to spin.
Never did I think hitting that play button would lead me to my destiny. Right to this moment, exactly where I am before you—typing these words.
The song was called "As You Go."
Experience it for yourself below.
When that celestial voice entered my body I felt something I never experienced before. It's hard to explain in words, but, it felt like something awakened.
Everything that had been decaying inside of me, aching with sadness, gasping for air... started to breathe again. Every wound in my heart began to soothe instantly.
He felt like the sun.
He felt like the stars.
He felt like home.
My eyes widened as I sat in the bathroom of my apartment, listening to Dan, as my boyfriend of 7 years sat out in the living room ignoring my existence.
"Fuck" I said out loud.
I let out a deep sigh of complete infatuation and utter dread, somehow, all in one breath. I tried to ignore it, but no matter how hard I tried... I could not get his voice out of my head. One word always came to mind.
At that moment, I knew my relationship was over. I knew I couldn't go on living like this anymore. It was either I stay with my absent boyfriend for the rest of my life and feel invisible forever... or I walk away towards something, ANYTHING—brighter.
That night, I sent a long message to my boyfriend. It was hard for me to speak to him face to face because I knew he'd try to talk me out of breaking up with him. But this time, I had made up my mind.
I chose to give up a 7-year relationship and take a leap into the unknown—for the sake of my own happiness.
It was a 4-hour drive from my apartment in Jersey to my hometown in Pennsylvania. After breaking up with my ex, I was finally free to roam as I pleased. Seeing my family was long over-do. Plus, Daniel still lived there.
I decided I had to meet him in person. After all these years, I needed to see Dan again face to face to figure out why he was stirring this other-worldly vibration in my chest. I remembered him from high school, but was he different, now?
Dan was the most favored student in my school. He was two years older than me, but everyone knew his name. How could you miss those strawberry blonde dreadlocks and mile-wide smile?
He was super popular, but not in the kind of way that put him on a pedestal. Dan was friends with EVERYONE. He smiled at every pair of eyes that met his in the hall and made every person feel included and special—no matter what.
As an extremely talented musician, athlete, and scholar, Dan was the boy we all dreamed about as teenagers. I have to admit, even though high school was long gone by the time we started talking, I had that same school-girl fluttering in my stomach every time his message dinged my inbox.
I was talking to the man, the myth, the legend—Dan Copes!
It was late and dark by the time I reached a few miles away from Dan's house. He had an apartment on the large property his family owned out in the hills.
We were mountain people, so his address couldn't even be found in my GPS. There was no cell service, so he had to meet me at the Dandy Mini Mart gas station nearby, just so I could find the dirt road to his place.
As my tires rotated closer, I began to feel this increasingly strong pull in my chest. It was so potent that it caused a physical reaction from me and I lost my breath. I was extremely taken aback.
Was I nervous? This didn't feel like nerves. It felt like something godly, like a literal magnet in my heart was being tugged upon by something big outside of me—something I was slowly approaching.
There was one car in the parking lot as I rolled in. An aged, blue, 1990's Toyota Celica. It was the same exact car he had in high school. Dan was really big on making things last forever.
"This is it..." I said to myself, putting the car in park and turning off the key. That deep pull in my chest was surging now. It was hard to breathe or even look up out my window.
With a deep breath in, I slowly turned my head towards his car. At that very moment, Dan looked over at me through his windshield. When our eyes met, I realized instantly what that pull in my chest was.
It was fate.
Dan walked up the wooden steps to his apartment and held open the door for me. My nose was greeted with a smokey wave of Nag Champa, sage, and marijuana. Would you believe that still to this day those are some of my favorite smells?
His apartment was a little cluttered but very quirky and unique, just like him. He had an entire wall of esoteric books and nicknacks from all over the world. Dan and his family were big travelers and he studied in China during college for his degree in Mandarin.
His hair was still flowing in golden dreadlocks, now much longer than I remembered. Hundreds of beautifully bound hairs flowed down his back like a waterfall, all the way down to his waist.
His face was glowing, now with some facial hair to match his age, and his smile was the same as always. His eyes were green gems—endlessly swirling pools of depth and mystery.
I'm not sure who was more nervous, him or me. Sensing his nerves, I let my personality be strong and break the ice. We sat talking and laughing in his living room for hours.
I told him all about my newly ended 7-year relationship and rollercoaster of a life. I shared my struggle with chronic pain and how it led me to the study of holistic healing.
He told me all about his travels, finishing college, writing music, and his battle with chronic Lymes Disease. Dan suffered greatly from the side effects and treatment of ongoing Lymes.
Chronic illness, holistic healing, and seclusion were some of the things we bonded over that night.
Little did I know, Dan was in need of a friend just as much as me.
The sun was just about to come up, which prompted me to suggest we finally get some sleep. I didn't want to stop talking, but I had to take off in just a few hours that morning for a long-awaited visit with my family.
Dan would never go to sleep before his guests, so he helped tuck me in on his living room couch. I looked up from my pillow. He smiled as we both reached out our hands, holding our palms together.
"Goodnight, Kailin." He said to me softly.
"Goodnight, Dan." I whispered back.
I honestly cannot explain to you clearly what this man did to me—just by existing. Every time his eyes met my gaze I felt like I was floating in freefall. When he laughed I felt pure joy bubble inside all of my cells. When he hugged me the entire universe held me in its arms.
Never had I felt like this towards another person before. I'd been in love, but this was different. The presence of Dan was something of a divine being. I swear that I am not overreacting or biased here.
Anyone that spent 5 minutes with this man would tell you the exact same thing. There was something so extremely special about him. Whatever it was, once you felt it, you didn't ever want to let it go.
From that point on, I never had to reach out for love again. Every step I took was met by Dan's embrace. The amount of nurturance and support inside of him was endless. Every day, I felt like the most loved creature in the entire universe.
I didn't think I deserved it—but he made sure to tell me every day that I did.
I started to live in a waking dream. Even though he was 4 hours away, I felt Dan's presence with me 24/7. Even when we were apart.
I woke up to his sweet messages every morning,
I fell asleep to his loving words every night,
"Sleep tight, Little One!"
It wasn't long before literal magic began to happen. This was my first experience of ongoing spiritual alignment and synchronicity. I didn't know what it was called, yet, but these crazy and divine coincidences began appearing so rapidly that we started writing them down in a little book.
Repeating numbers, songs, and symbols surrounded us daily. My lucky numbers since childhood were 7 and 17. Everywhere Dan and I looked, these numbers followed. His address was 177 Copes Lane. The last 4 digits of his phone number added up to 17. We reconnected in 2017.
Television, radio, magazines, you name it—these divine instances began appearing dozens of times each day. It was shocking to us both, so we began to look up what we were experiencing. We found an explanation from the great philosopher, Carl Jung.
"Synchronicities" are incidents of spiritual significance that show up rapidly in times of heightened universal alignment and love. They're like the universe telling you, "Hey, pay attention! Something special is going on here!"
There must have been... because every single day we were gifted with divine coincidences that had entirely no explanation. We realized quickly that the love we shared was nothing like we'd ever experienced before—or anyone else we knew. We asked the others around us:
"Can you feel your partner's presence when they're not there?"
"Can you hear their voice right before they call or message you?"
"Can you hear their thoughts and feel their feelings, even when they don't speak?"
"Can you physically sense when they are sick, even though they're 4 hours away?"
"Can you call out to them in your mind, and then get a response in real life?"
No one could help us understand what we were experiencing. Every moment we spent with each other was saturated in deep, spiritual reflection, contemplation, unconditional love, and spiritual evolution.
Together we loved completely, dissected our traumas, healed our shadow selves, and worked religiously on mending the parts of ourselves we'd been avoiding for years—filling each other's wounds with unconditional love and acceptance.
We knew what we were experiencing was something extraordinary, so we began researching again to discover why we felt like we were sharing one mind.
It was then that we started to learn about the legend of the "Twin Flames".
According to ancient spiritual texts, "Your twin flame is the other half of your own soul. Twin flames are one soul split into two bodies. When a soul is created, it is split into two parts, mirrors of each other, constantly yearning to reconnect.
The purpose of discovering your twin flame is to speed up spiritual growth, release wounds, remove blockages, and lead you to true self-love. This reunion only happens after many lives of spiritual evolution. It is the final journey of the spirit."
It all finally made sense. Synchronicities, telepathy, inner child healing, shadow-work, it was all the tell-tale signs of reuniting with your twin flame.
Everything we read about explained exactly what we were experiencing. I knew that after reuniting with Dan, my world would never be dim again.
I went from feeling completely alone in the universe to BECOMING the universe.
My heart went from feeling empty to being so full it overflowed. My body went from untouched and lonely to thoroughly drenched in pleasure, ecstasy, and sensuality.
I was in heaven on Earth with this man. Every ounce of pain I ever experienced was washed away by the loving tears that rolled down my cheeks when we kissed.
Our magnetic twin flame relationship lit up the entire world around us. It felt like nothing could ever make us part.
For over a year, I drove 4 hours every single Friday after work to spend time with Dan. When I left on Monday morning, every single time—we cried.
I can't help but think our souls knew all along we'd eventually have to part.
I didn't realize it then, but all of these divine synchronicities, the telepathic connection between us, the messages from beyond, the numbers and symbols... would all end up being something we had to rely on in the future.
We were creating a language to communicate with each other for when Dan left this Earth.
We'll continue this story on Tuesday,
Kailin of Earth